What conflicts do you face these days? How have you responded?
When you have a problem with someone, do you attack? Avoid? Talk to other people about it? Find a way to get them back? Don’t do that!
One way the enemy gets us to do his dirty work is through saying bad things about someone, rather than letting God transform us. Most of the problems we have with others really are our own. If we seek God for freedom from whatever heart issue distresses us, and let Him topple our lies with His truth, seldom is there a reason to confront the other person. Because the conflict is gone, at least within me.
But there are times when sin needs to be confronted, especially if the offender is habitually hurting the body of Christ. Jesus’ words provide a guide for handling conflict His way:
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.”Matthew 18:15 RSV
Some things to consider when confronting:
- Have I prayed yet? What is God saying?
- Is it hurting others?
- Is it harmful to that person?
- Is it a one-time thing, or a pattern? (Patterns that cause harm are a higher priority to confront.)
- Is it a sin or just something that annoys me? (Notice Matthew 18:15 uses the word “sin.”)
- Is it something I’ve already confronted them on and nothing has changed? If so, should I bring someone with me, like a pastor or counselor, or someone else who’s been affected by their behavior? (Matthew 18:16)
- Have I cleaned out my own heart first? (Especially judgment. Matthew 7:1-5. Lay all your opinions and ideas of that person at Jesus’ feet, and ask Him for His.)
- Have I forgiven them?
- Am I guilty of the same thing in some way?
- What part do I play in this? Am I over-reacting? Imagining something’s going on that’s not?
- Is there anything I can change in my own response that will help things go smoother?
- What negative responses, thoughts, or attitudes do I need to seek the Lord to heal in me? (See Victory Strategy #18 in DELIGHT TO BE A WOMAN OF WONDER, or DARE TO BE A MIGHTY WARRIOR)
- What are my motives for confronting? Do I want to confront to get sympathy? Or vengeance? The only reason to confront should be LOVE. Matthew 22:37-40.
- Am I considering not confronting because I’m afraid? Or because I think it’s not loving? (Ask Jesus. There were times when He confronted, and times when He showed grace. Both He did out of love.)
- Do I need to set up a meeting with this person, so we can start the conversation with prayer, and let God be the One leading us?
— From “The Matthew 18:15 Principle,” and other strategies for victory in Mikaela Vincent’s Dare to Be a Mighty Warrior)
Lord, please look into my heart and show me what is in there. Am I holding a grudge against someone? Have I been reacting to people in anger or judgment? Search my heart and show me the sin that blocks me from oneness with You and with others. Make the way for me to grab Your hand and walk out into freedom. Give me courage to admit to my wrongs, to hate my sin, to repent and follow You. Tear down every lie with Your truth, and set me free to love others as You have first loved me. Is there anyone You are asking me to confront on their sin? Clean out my own heart first. Help me surrender all my opinions over to You. Then show me how YOU see that person or situation. Flow through me to speak Your truth in love, and open that person’s heart to hear and receive what You are wanting to say. Give them courage to repent and to go to whomever they have wronged to ask forgiveness. Lord, change us. Make us like You.
Mikaela Vincent and her husband are missionaries who live by faith, trusting in God to provide for their needs as they pray for and share Christ with the nations. If you would like to help their ministry through giving a donation, shopping at Mikaela’s online bookstore, praying for them or inviting them to speak at your church, retreat or other event, click the buttons below:
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